Need to do this thing.

I have not done anything art wise in so long. I need to. Sometimes art is as much for the artist as the audience. I need to make that art.

My mood disturbances have gotten bad enough that I will be finally receiving some professional help with that. I may be taking medication soon.

I do not foresee this making me less likely to create again. The idea that mood disorders make for better art is a lie. The romanticized notion of a tortured artist pouring their angst into their work is a compelling story. It is a much less compelling reality which, for me, involves barely being able to hold my head above water and keep my relationships healthy, much less be productive.

Art can however help us work through, if only I can get to a place where being productive is even possible.

Wish me luck.

Synthpop Fans are Dead

The Synthpop scene has long been dominated by white men. ¬†While other genres of music have witnessed an increasing participation of women, Synthpop has never freed itself from the confines of maleness. Synthpop often “borrows” from non-Western music, yet people of color are nowhere to be seen rendering this facade of multiculturalism nothing more than appropriation.

One redeeming quality of Synthpop is that it is really really gay.

Come at me bro.

Banned from M.A.N. [Vintage]

Look what I found from myspace?

SubjectBanned from M.A.N.DateCreated12/25/2005 6:21:00 PMPostedDate12/25/2005 6:19:00 PMBody

This is most likely a prank. I've been around conservative religion
enough to understand the M.O. enough to realize this is not the M.O.
of a religious based concerned parents organization. The
infrastructure already exists for such groups to organize on various
extremely well-moderated sites.

The yahoogroup does not even have restricted access. The messages are
not moderated. That doesn't make any sense. Most religious BBS are
highly restricted, because open debate is not encouraged. The idea is
to create such an oppressive social atmosphere that an individual's
actions become dictated by a sense of obligation and the human need
for acceptance and belonging. They may be well-meaning and not have
that in mind, but it is the end result.

There are enough people that really hate religious groups that wish to
disrupt their activities that they are able to justify these restrictions.

If this were a real group, they would have started a grass-roots
organization physically going from church to church spreading their
message with very little danger of a different opinion being
expressed. They would most likely start a petition of some sort and
express their concern to local officials who have the power to close
venues on technicalities, make ordinances that discourage shows, and
enforce various "decency laws". Since, in many cities, the church has
the votes and the $$ will happen.

However, real anti-noise and anti-freedom of expression groups conduct
their activities completely behind our backs. They have just as much
desire to speak with a Power Electronics artists as an abortion
doctor. There would be no debate, instead we would just show up to a
gig and find out the venue had been shut down (which has happened to me!).

There are a few venues left because the academic art community still
has some sway. There are a few actual anarchist venues as well, but
they generally go under. My basement is generally off limits due to
"noise ordinances" (which I can understand). I do think one of the
reasons that noise is associated with extremist groups in some places
is that we have mutual enemies that wish to silence us; not because we
have a shared agenda.

The "right" already has completley demonized the ACLU. Every once in
a while this struggle does come to a head and lawyers get involved.
Now, all the sudden everyone who understands the ideals of civil
liberty is "promoting" child rape and murder. Once the struggle goes
public, the smear compaign begins. Then, artists and musicians who
have unpopular ideas or who explore disturbing subjects do not have a
venue and fear fines, the loss of employment, or even jail time.

Don't think it isn't happening. If there is any conspiracy it is the
conspiracy to silence dissenting opinion. The "right" does not want
the truth to come out because they know that it will threaten their
power. Any fact that does not support their agenda is labled "liberal
bias" or part of some conspiracy against them. Unknown to the average
person, they pay charletons who spread inflamatory "information" about
neo-paganism, abortion, homosexuality, evolution, etc. or trumped-up
first hand accounts about how "God has blessed us" for giving money or
labor to the church in order to keep the money and free labor coming.
I've seen it happen.

Not all churchs indulge in such non-sense, but even the most well
meaning ones get wrapped up in it. They don't want to purge it or
reveal it, because they are embarrassed by it. When you are seriously
convinced that the eternal resting place of souls are on the line, of
what use is the truth about an evangelical preacher to stretches the
truth a little bit or an "awareness speaker" who talks about the
horrors of being in a Wiccan Cult that never existed, or the
former-homosexual who is "much happier" after the electro-shock treatment?

I live this bullshit. This yahoogroup is not it. This is an open
debate, this is not a serious group of parents backed by a powerful
religious organization who wants to silence us. Those organizations
already exist and they are out there right now getting books banned
from your public schools and trying their best to promote "intelligent
design" and selling thousands of their books full of half-truths that
demonize liberal thought and inclusiveness ala "The War on Christmas".

I would absolutely LOVE to have people involved in those organizations
here on this forum or at a noise show or in my living room having an
intelligent conversation. However, it is not going to happen because
they don't do their own dirty work and they do NOT inform themselves
from any other source other than the church. If they did, they would
not be on the path that has been created for them; they would lose
their faith built on sand and become a bitter experimental musician.

End rant.


Emotional attachment to your art?

This was the question posed by Emily Rose.

That is a strange question for me because most of my art is digital.  It doesn’t exist as an object, so the idea that I would be protecting it from harm or holding onto it for dear life doesn’t make sense.  However, I find myself treating my art (whether it is a poem, a composition, or even a blog post) like a summer fling.  I become obsessed with it for a short time – reading it or listening to it over and over again and making small edits.  Then I leave it alone – pretty tired of it, really – and move on to someone/something else.  By the time I’m done with it, it is wasted on me.  However, with the really good ones, I’ll go back and visit and have a cup of coffee with it months or years later.  I’ll remember why I liked it in the first place, or wonder what on gods green earth I was thinking.

Writing as a character

So, I made a character for a role-playing game the other day and decided to make a poet.  So, I wrote a poem as that character.

I know quite a few artists of various kinds have done this (not necessarily in the context of a role-playing game, but you know what I mean).

It is very freeing.  No stress at all.  No worry about how it will be perceived. 

I recommend it.

Physical creativity and my mood

So, we’re getting over winter.  I live pretty North for a reasonable human being – not anything extreme – but winters are actually winters here.  I’ve been having pretty intense moodiness that I have decided is partially due to stress and partially due to long nights and cold weather.

These are times that I want to do something expressive, something physical, something interesting – but I’m just too busy to do it.  Also, some of the ideas I have are just not practical.

I mean – I have time right after the kids go to bed, but I also can’t be too loud, and half the time I have stuff to write-up or grade.

I am looking forward to acting in a movie this summer, however – a psychological thriller – that is being written and produced by old friends of mine.

So, I have an essay in a book coming out in September and an acting gig in late May.  I suppose I should release an album at some point! – but some of my ideas right now can only be performed.  I need to find the art community here – the one that doesn’t have $125 dinners.  It’s weird to me that I know more people in this town literally governing and bank-rolling the mainstream traditional “music community” than I do who do what I do.  The closest to that would be some dup-step DJ’s in a town an hour drive from here!  The local composer is literally on vacation this year.

My oh my.

My name

So, the name is now M. A. Melby.  It works.  I did a search for it and it didn’t bring up anyone – which is important I suppose.  I was a bit obsessive about it, but it will do fine.

I am still using “sinmantyx” for many other projects.  I have a YouTube channel that I haven’t really done anything with.  I’ll have to think about what I might do.

In the mean time, the final draft of the short story is off to the presses.  It will be coming out in September 2012.